Design as Resistance

In further attempts to thwart all potential possibilities for doing actual writing on this site, I shifted my priority the past week to a “much needed” site re-design.  I liked the other theme, but it wasn’t ideal for archiving purposes [is what I told myself].  And if it’s not good for archiving, then how will the millions of visitors I will be receiving find past articles once they fall in love with the one that drove them to the site in the first place [is what I told myself].  So now, 13 days into the new year, I am finally writing something, albeit more ramblings on my inability to move forward, but thoughts from my brain nonetheless.

So let’s take a look at this handsome new site, shall we?  First, you’ll notice the logo in the top left.  A fifties color motif highlights the name of the URL, punctuated with a high hat and cymbal.  Do I play drums?  No.  So why drums in the logo on your website, Jamie??  Well, before the drums I had an icon of a pair of sunglasses, but then I thought that people would think I was trying to say “Look how cool I am!” which in retrospect is kinda what the intention was.  But the drums are a bit more subtle.  And as I am trying to find the rhythm in my life right now, it seemed like a plausible metaphor.  So there are drums.

Ironically, the name of the WordPress theme I am utilizing is called “Focused” by S5 Themes.  Lack of focus has been the recurring theme for most of my life, but certainly the duration of my comedy career, and the past 2 months it’s been on a war path.  My goals for this year include: Launching this blog, launching my new podcast, launching a new highly produced weekly live show, and writing and pitching several television ideas.  This doesn’t include the fact that I work a full time job that is near impossible to not take home with me every day, while already producing another podcast.  In my head it all seems possible, and to a certain extent it is.  But of course spreading myself over 17 projects is a good way to burn out, sacrifice the quality of each, and as I am currently finding, making it impossible to make progress on any of them.

Proper planning and time management would certainly help, and that’s where the lack of focus really shines.  The Resistance sets in, and for the past month I’ve been a case study in procrastination.  The same patterns persist, to an astonishing degree.  I go to the same websites over and over.  I check my phone incessantly.  Though I am barely dating I find hours a day to look at dating profiles on okcupid and swipe faces on Tinder.  Lots of laying around.  Organizing my Itunes library.  Staring into space.

There are brief moments of clarity and creativity.  Tiny bursts where I’ll start writing, or come up with ideas for any of the aforementioned projects.  But the Resistance is so strong right now that within minutes I am almost involuntarily back on Facebook or Twitter or finding any way possible to distract myself from the work that needs to be done.

I recognize that this very blog post is Resistance in and of itself.

One day soon these initial posts will recede into the distance as I slowly get into game shape.   I’m starting to take things off my plate.

We’re 13 days into a new year and I know how fast time flies.  I don’t want to look back at the end of 2014 and only see incremental progress.  I’ve been working too hard for too long – this year there has to be a huge breakthrough.  I wouldn’t put that pressure on myself if I didn’t see it as entirely possible.

It’s 9:40am and I’m close to completing this entry.  It wasn’t that hard, and I’m proud to say I didn’t leave this page once to check email or otherwise distract myself.  Small victories are victories nonetheless [is what I am telling myself].

So, what do you think ?